The other side of Fear

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. (“Power of Focus for Women” by Fran Hewitt) Success is when we feel the fear and do what we want anyway.

What do you fear? Rejection, Failure, Being Judged, Humiliation, Abandonment, Success? Start recognizing and naming the fears that stand in your way.

Do you know the common acronym for fear? False Expectations Appearing Real. While what you fear feels real and powerful, chances are it is not really going to happen, and if it does happen, reality is the experience will not destroy you.

So the question is yours to answer. Should this fear get to have the power to keep you from what you want? Or can you allow yourself to feel the fear and push through anyway?

The Holiday Season is in full force.  For many of us this is a time full of holly and jolly!  For more of us this is a time full of grief, loss and regret.  For most this is a time with stress levels topping the charts.  Here are some ideas for getting through the season either by passing on our joy to others or by finding ways to find joy in our pain.

For you who are blessed with the bubbling over of jolly, ponder ways to pass it on through serving at a local non-profit such as a food shelf or soup kitchen.  Or think of those you know who are struggling and drop off a little something (cookies, card, food box) to them.  A simple “I’m thinking of you” goes along way.

For you who are finding yourself overwhelmed with grief, regret, stress:

* How can you honor your loved one you have lost?  1) Light a candle or make a donation in their name.  2) Write up your favorite stories about your loved one and place them in the branches of your Christmas tree or put them in a stocking.  If you don’t have many memories because maybe the one you lost was an infant, then write your favorite stories you would tell them.  3) Set time aside to visit their grave or memorial site.  4) Do an activity that this loved one would have done if they were still here to celebrate this season. Honoring our loved one brings some comfort to our grief.

* How can we work through regrets we have?  1) Make your Amends list (list of who you have wronged). This is a concept from the Recovery programs that is impacting for all.  Tackle one or two items/people on that list.  2) First and foremost in my book is deciding this season to walk in self-forgiveness rather than personal judgment.  This in itself takes much of the negative power away from regret.

*  How can you combat the stress?  1) Take at least 15 minutes each day to sit in a quiet place and rest.  Take deep, slow breaths while making a list of things for which you are thankful.  2) Make a list of all the tasks you have left to do.  Circle the ones that are of utmost importance to you.  Follow through on those and free yourself from having to do the less important tasks.  3) Decide to walk purposefully through the next 2 weeks focusing on what in this season is the most meaningful for you.

Powerful Questions #4

How is the “cathedral” building coming along? Some have noticed that often when we begin to move forward in building our cathedrals we seem to be “tearing down” or stopping different activities, ways of thinking before any official “building” takes place.

This is right on! Before any construction of a home or building or road takes place big machines must come in and tear down old structures, remove trees and then move the dirt and debris out of the way. Spending time in this “clear the ground” process is a sure sign that you are powerfully moving forward in building that rich full cathedral life.

Powerful Question #4: Am I fully engaged in “clearing the ground”?

Bring on the Bulldozers!

 

If you are engaged, do not be alarmed by the mess of debris that might be around you.  Keep moving forward.  Soon you will hear the sound of the bulldozer coming through!  Soon you will see the clear, open “land” for building.

Powerful Question #3

I hope that over the last several weeks you have been increasing your awareness of what you pay attention to day in and day out.  Perhaps you have noticed that consistently your attention is drawn towards worries, hurts, stressors.  Maybe you are finding yourself consciously turning your attention towards those areas that you have said make your life rich and full.  Question #3 can be a powerful tool to help you bring more purpose into where you place your attention.

Question #3: What am I building? (a cathedral or a wall of bricks)

As you pay attention to where you spend your time and thoughts, ask yourself what you are building in that moment: a cathedral or a wall of bricks.  Are you building that cathedral of a rich, full life or are you stacking a wall of bricks with names like anger, resentment, worry, stress?

Sure there are troubles that come to those with a full life; however, their attention is on the building of that life in the midst of those troubles not on the troubles in and of themselves.  Focusing only on the troubles is actually creating a wall that stops you.

So, I ask you again to ponder through your day, “What am I building right now with this activity or thought?  Am I building a cathedral or a wall of bricks?”

Powerful Questions #2

We all have very different ideas on the answer to the first question in the previous blog, “what defines a full, rich life?” I love that! Have you found yourself pondering as a result the areas where you are not living a full, rich life? I hope so! I have been. This second question helps us zero in a bit more on our daily lives to see where we are perhaps distracting ourselves away from the full life our insides are describing.

Question #2:  Where is my attention?

For one whole day (or more if you can) jot down what you are paying attention to, spending your time doing and thinking about. Some take a day calendar out and every hour mark down what they have been doing or thinking. Some just jot down quick notes as they go through the day.

At the end of the day go back and mark those activities or thoughts that match the full, rich life description you have made for yourself. Journal out what this exercise has shown you about what you are paying attention to!

Powerful Questions Series #1

Questions are designed to help us think.  Powerful questions help us think below the surface to discover ideas unique to each person.  My hope is that these ideas create shifts within that lead to change or to peace.  For the next several weeks I want us to ponder some powerful questions together.  There are no right or wrong answers.  In fact some may not find an answer only more questions!  Journal your thoughts if you can and if you desire share some of your ideas with each other.

Question #1:  What is it to have a full, rich life?

Flowers in the Swamp

My family is heading into its second funeral in one month’s time. Another tragic death of someone beautiful, innocent and too young occurred last weekend.

To be quite honest for the last several days I have been “faking it till I make it” on core things I usually quite easily stand for and say to people. The questions of “what do we do now” and “how do we even begin to move forward” have been charging through my insides.

I may have just stumbled on the beginnings of an answer, though, or at least a place to inch forward back into hope.

My office is located on the grounds of a beautiful church and retreat center. Clients and I have the luxury of walking beautiful trails through a nature center. One of the trails has a bridge that goes over a swamp. Usually there are turtles and little fish that can be seen swimming around in the water.

Today I was initially bummed to see the swamp covered with a layer of stinky green algae. I decided to stop and patiently wait to see if a brave turtle would make its way through the muck. While I did not see any turtles, I did begin to notice the hundreds of little yellow flowers that were growing up right in the midst of this green algae. The turtles may not have been daring to travel in the sludge, but these sweet little flowers were brave enough to bloom.

In another moment of honesty I must tell you that I was initially quite upset with these flowers for deciding to grow where they were. It was almost like I wanted the muck to have to stay gross. Beauty can not grow out of muck! It is almost like I want the yuck of these deaths to stay a friendly yuck. I do not want to go down the path of looking for where good is going to come out of this dark time. Initially, I do not want answers to the questions I mentioned above.

But of course, God has to go and show himself in the everyday experiences of life and his creation. He has to go and show me that he has made beautiful yellow flowers to grow out of swampy waters. He will make good come of evil and death. It is how he has, for now, the final say.

So for today I will choose to let inches of hope back into my heart that even in the deaths of Benjamin Newton and Gabriel Nielsen little yellow flowers will grow.  I will even be braver than the turtles and travel through the “muck” to find those flowers.

Praying you too find the courage to notice the yellow flowers in your day!

Forest or Trees?

Having the right perspective is huge for our well being. Most of us have heard the phrase “losing the forest for the trees.” Basically, this means we get so focused on the few trees in front of us that we lose sight of the whole forest around us. There may be one or two negative things that are bothering us to the point of obsessively dwelling on them. This makes them loom large to the point of losing sight of the whole of life which is filled with so many more good and amazing realities.

It is a good practice to keep all things in perspective. Don’t get stuck pondering the negative areas of life today. Purposefully think about the good you are experiencing as well. Rise above the troubling trees and see the whole forest for the beautiful mix of negatives and positives that it is.  When we remember the good we are able to move through or around the negative.  The good becomes the inspiring hope to move us forward.  If we only see the negative we get stopped.

Here is my question for you from Power Thoughts (Meyer) “Are you good at keeping perspective or is this an area in which you need to improve?”

In honor of Ben

This week my family will say goodbye to my cousin’s little two year old Ben.  He has gone to be with the Lord far too soon.  During the last several days we all have been finding ourselves pondering life and death.  This quote has taken on, therefore, a very profound meaning.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Life then is all about the giving and receiving of messy hugs and kisses; playing so hard that we get skinned knees; falling into bed exhausted because we lived every moment to its fullest; knowing exactly what we want every moment enough to charm, beg, and even cry for it; the love of dancing, dolls and trucks; faithful mealtime and bedtime prayers; and an amazing ability to trust that God is for real even though He cannot be seen.

May we live like Ben today, especially embracing his ability to do the last statement, trust that God is for real even when He seems far off.

As for me, today in honor of Ben, I will pull out my daughters’ baby doll stroller and chase them around the yard! That is the last image of Ben I have from our last family get together. He was chasing all the big kids around with a baby doll stroller! Gotta love it. Gotta live it.

Friend or Foe

Are the thoughts that run through your mind friends or foes?  Are the negative ones allowed to run rampant while you talk yourself quickly out of any of the hopeful thoughts?

Winston Churchill has said that “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

Think for a moment of the people in your life, your work colleagues, your family, your friends.  Which ones do you tend to enjoy being around the most?  Chances are they have attitudes which are positive, encouraging and hopeful.  I am sure these people still have difficult times they share with you; however, I would guess they spend more time majoring on the positives than the negatives.

Now think about yourself for a moment.  Do you need an attitude adjustment?  Bottom line is that those of us who have negative thoughts running our worlds will struggle to enjoy work and children and to be a positive employee who makes contributions to her company Power Thoughts, Joyce Meyer).

Here is question to think about from Power Thoughts: 1) What is the most important thought or attitude you need to change in your life?  Comment back your answer.  We would love to hear and support you!